Life takes interesting turns and sometimes it’s best to just hold on and attempt to enjoy the ride. The past few months have taken me on some amazing adventures, and i live to tell the tales. But not now.

The sun is shining, the weather is warm, and i’m enjoying the view across the table. However long it may last.

I love my job, don’t get me wrong.. but i guess i’m a little spoiled from working at willy-s.. cause the benifits do not even come close to evening out the draw backs. So if an opportunity arises.. perhaps i may wander away from the mid-state once again. Last time wasn’t that scary.. and it’s not like i’d go somewhere where i don’t know anyone.  But i know enough people to network my way down the eastern coast.

For the first time in a long time.. i’m able to go wherever and do whatever i want.. I’m the only one who has to deal with the ramifications of my actions.. and i’m not thinking for 2. I’m still scared stiff about what to do. I’ve had and end goal in the majority of my big life decisions.. now it’s just me and my kitties i have to think about, and i’m so afraid of picking the wrong thing. Where’s someone to make the decisions when i need them?

I miss my friend.

Went out and saw Flava Flav at the bar last weekend.. had a blast.. until i peeked at a text message that ruined the rest of my night.. sent me into one lovely internal review of myself.. sure, there are things i’d like to change.. but don’t we all have those?

eh.. whatever.. i’m brilliant.. AND cool.. so there 

It’s amazing how just when you realize you have no idea what you need, or even what you want.. somehow the world brings just the right remedy. And you have this overwhelming feeling of “Oh THAT’S what it was”.

Could Miss Phalo be finding religion? ..or perhaps just a deep cosmic understanding.

One best friend stood me up for the newly returned boyfriend.. The other had made plans with her girlfriend.. The newly returned one is having birthday celebrations for her man…

I’m once again Queen of the Third Wheels. Doomed to a life of quiet evenings at home, watching crappy tv with the kittens.

why is it that everyone seems to be searching for someone else.. i’m never the one that wins out. There are always greener pastures and prettier faces to look at. Makes you wonder why i have self esteem issues.

i’m going to go eat worms.

Earlier this week, i got a text from Mar, letting me know that a buddy from highschool and his current lover/girlfriend (not quite sure what their title was).. broke up with him.. the next day, i get a call from a sobbing and squeaking Linny, telling me that her beau just broke it off with her.. not even 24 hours later, my sister’s on the phone.. same story..

normally i can handle other peoples break-ups.. i bring over some beer, and some chocolate, we talk or cry or scream or whatever.. and in the end, all is well. So why is it that this tour of splitsville is so much harder.

It’s been 6 months since i moved out… and now i’m suddenly flooded with “what if’s”. What if i had talked about it.. what if he would have actually listened this time.. what if i finally got what i really wanted for once..his attention, and my priority status bumped up over internet chats and late night phone calls. What if.. what if.. what if.

I know that i can’t change things.. and i’m not even sure i really want to. I just got all of my holidays back. No longer cutting things short with family and friends just to make sure someone else isn’t lonely… no longer having expectations that were never met. no longer crying on every christmas, new years, valentines, and 4th of july. No longer feeling sub-standard.. like i never measured up. no longer feeling inadequate.

But along with all of those “no longers”.. comes a whole set of other ones… and there in lies the rub. No longer falling asleep to the sound of a heartbeat. No longer bantering back and forth like an old married couple. No more “off” time.

I know i’ll be fine. pick up the pieces and keep on truckin’, right? ..just wish the “what if’s” and “no longers” would go away…. maybe after tuesday, i’ll find some peace.

Haven’t had one of those for a while now.. I thought i might be done with them… guess not.

The longer i think, the more i find.. the more i find, the more pukey i feel. It’s amazing the damage and destruction we as humans can cause to one another.

I need to write, but in a non public forum.

Sorry.

After the dissappointing meeting with Secret Agent 611, Super Girl was left with quite a few other suiters to screen for her party. Next up, was Captain Old Head. Now, COH was quite polite in their online corrispondence, and SG found out that they even share the same birthday. Dinner plans were scheduled for Saturday evening. Hugs upon meeting meant that Captain Old Head already was racking in the brownie points. They shared a wonderful conversation over coffee and frenchfries… and actually closed the diner. (who knew it closed at 10:30?) Super Girl sent a thank you email, in hopes of maybe a 2nd date. The Captain’s reply wasn’t exactly what she was expecting. He noted the lovely conversation, and the oddity of a diner that closes, but then the Captain also mentioned that there were no sparks, and sent his well wishes for our slightly deflated Super Girl.

Next up, was General Goody-Goody. After long letters and seemingly hundreds of hampster questions, Super Girl and General Goody-Goody decided to try instant messaging. To her dismay, after spilling the beans on some of her extra cirricular activites, General Goody-Goody fell off the face of the earth. Super Girl cut her losses again, and moved along to #4.

Our heroine received many replies to her posting, some from scary old men, some from intimidating pretty-boys.. she took a chance, and sent a reply to #4. Now, with the picture he had sent along, SG thought she may or may not have a chance. He seemed relatively average, nothing freakish or even remotely non-vanilla… Not exactlly Super Girl’s cup of tea, but she’s an equal opportunist. A few pictures were sent along with her reply, and shortly their after, dinner plans were made. This time, for friday night. Arriving a little late due to traffic, SG braces herself for the worst, but holds out hope for some divine intervention. #4 wasn’t bad by any means, and he still out ranks Secret Agent 611, but just as with the Captain, there was a drastic lack of sparks. Dinner was nice, and the conversation flowed relatively freely… but still somethings missing. Super Girl found #4′s lisp mildly intrusive, but was amazed at his ability to pack in the french fries. They parted ways at the door to the restaraunt, and another “thank you” email was sent. It seems however, that #4 has gone along with General Goody-Goody, and fallen off the face of the earth as well.

Super Girl has taken this all in stride, but has given up on the “Birthday Date” idea for now…

What is this? Super Girl on a dating reality show?

No, this is just her life.. for you see, our dear heroine is having a birthday in about a week and a half, and while writing out invitations she suddenly realized that everyone will have a +1, accept for her. Now, SG knows that she doesn’t need an insignifigant other on her arm to make her happy.. but it is her party, and she’ll date if she wants to.

After posting a “birthday date wanted” ad online, our singled out super hero’s inbox, soon became quite full. Exchanges with keystrokes and emoticons, and plans were made for a screening of sorts. Birthday celebrations are no time for first dates.

The first bachelor on the chopping block was Secret Agent  611 (as six, eleven). So aptly named for his enormous stature, he dwarfed Super Girl by a solid foot. Plesentries were made over coffee and breakfast (at 3 in the afternoon). It was about the middle of her 2nd cup of coffee that SG realized that this was going nowhere. Secret Agent 611, (lets just call him 611 for short) continually talked about himself. With a blatent disregard for Super Girl. She tried to join into the diatribe, but with every question, she was met with the same answer, “I can’t tell you that”. You see, ladies and gentleman, 611 works security for different high profile people that come to the surrounding area..Due to some of the clients, he’s not at liberty to say anything about anything to anyone. Including a blind date. Desperately trying to spark a true conversation, Super Girl inquires about his 9-5er, only to be met with quite the same answer “i can’t tell you that”. Apparently 611 also works for the government (can’t say if it’s state or federal) as a computer geek. Once again, he can’t say anything about anything to anyone, including a blind date. The conversation drags, the food finally arrives and our  heroine tries to manuver in the very cramped booth (yes, he picked a booth, knowing full well that he was 6 foot 11, and has a bit of a belly, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he had slid the table over so that poor SuperGirl only had about 6 inches to squeeze into across from him).

An hour and a half after our heroine arrived, she is departing. Pleased that he picked up the check, but knowing that this was as far as it’s going.

Never fear however, for there are more Bachelors who have taken on the challenge of “Birthday Date”.